Home > Fashionably Dead and Wed (Hot Damned #7)(12)

Fashionably Dead and Wed (Hot Damned #7)(12)
Author: Robyn Peterman

“Did you hear me? I said we only had ten minutes.” He closed his eyes and sat forward in anticipation. He was clearly on board for a quickie.

“Won’t even take thirty seconds,” I purred.

“You’re that good?” he asked. He opened one eye and gave me a grin so sexy, I actually felt a little bad about what I was about to do.

“You know I am, Big Boy. Close your eyes,” I instructed.

“Can I touch you?” he ground out as he went to unzip the fly of his pants.

“Nope and you can’t touch yourself either,” I told him. I took his hands and held them in mine.

“Hurry up,” he choked out, squeezing my hands hard.

“Lights are low,” I whispered slowly, pulling my man in immediately. “You’re completely naked and your body aches with need.

“You got that right,” he said gruffly.

“Shhhh, you hear her enter,” I continued.

“Who enters?” Ethan asked, confused. “It’s supposed to be you.”

“It is me,” I said as I bit down on my lip and tried not to giggle. “Just go with it. I’m telling it in third person because that’s the way they do it in my romance novels. Do you want to have a mongo hard-on when they get here or not?”

“Not,” he said through clenched teeth.

“Then shut up and listen.”

“Listening,” he growled.

“You feel her touch. It’s so very soft. Her hands move in a circular motion down your body with purpose. Slowly the hands move lower and lower…”

“Go on,” he urged desperately when I paused.

I put on the sexiest voice I had and let her rip. “You moan as she begins to move her hands up and down your thick shaft. You can feel the starched edge of her habit as she works the rhythm into a quicker pace. And then you realize that there are four hands pleasuring you—four bony, old, nasty hands on your man tool. You open your eyes and scream like a girl when you see Martha and Jane completely naked squatting over you with your weenie in their foul clutches. The only thing they’re wearing are their wimples. They look like deranged religious penguins and…”

“Sweet Jesus,” Ethan shouted and jumped up from his chair in terror. “What the hell kind of fucked up story is that?”

“Do you have a boner anymore?” I inquired with a polite tilt of my head.

“No,” he yelled as he looked down. “I may never have one again. I’m pretty sure my dick just shriveled up and died.”

“Mission accomplished. You can take the meeting fully confident that your weenie will not be making an appearance,” I informed him.

“You are a horrible woman and I will get you back for this,” he warned as he shook his head and grimaced. “Do not ever do that again. Please.”

“Don’t ever tell me what I can and can’t wear again,” I shot back.

Ethan’s head fell back on his broad shoulders and his chuckle went all through me. “You win, Astrid. It was appalling, but you win. And don’t refer to my dick as a weenie.”

“Roger that,” I replied with a laugh. “Aren’t you going to thank me?”

“Um, no.”

“That’s not very nice.”

“True, but it’s not very nice of you to have left the visual of Martha and Jane anywhere in the vicinity of my cock either.”

“But I did solve your problem,” I said trying to lighten the mood a bit.

“Yes,” he agreed with an arched brow. “And I think it might be a week or so before my pride and joy is able to come out and play again.”

“Dude, I could get him back up in five seconds,” I promised and went for the hem of my dress.

“Stop,” Ethan bellowed and turned his back on me. “Do. Not. Show. Me. Your. Ass. I can’t take another quickie that will force me into therapy, ever again. Am I clear?”

“Very,” I said.

“Good.” He turned around, eyeing me cautiously, just in case I’d disobeyed and whipped the dress off after all.

His audible grunt of relief was hilarious. Even five hundred year old all powerful Vampyre Princes could be controlled with a little T and A. I thoroughly enjoyed knowing I could bring him down—or up, as it were.

“You ready for the Vamps?” I asked as I took a seat and crossed my legs primly.

“Are you?” he asked as he sat down behind his desk.

“I was born ready. Oh, Satan is scheduled to arrive in two hours. I figured that would be enough time to get the Vampyres out of here.”

“Sounds like a plan. We’re going to play nice unless they give us reason to behave otherwise,” he said as he went through a file and got his game face on.

“I promise not to light up like the Fourth of July and blast anyone through the roof. It will be my good deed for the day.”

“That’s my girl.”

Of course, no good deed goes unpunished…

Chapter 5

“They’re here, sire,” Venus said as she shut the office door behind her and waited for further instruction.

Ethan sat behind his desk. My cousin, Heathcliff and his mate Raquel, who happened to be Ethan’s sister, had transported back from Europe for the meeting and stood behind him and to the left. Ethan’s father, the King, had arrived with his mate, Pam—my profane and fabulous Guardian Angel. They were seated in chairs in front of Heathcliff and Raquel.

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